>It’s been a while since I’ve come here and posted. It wasn’t because I didn’t have time or material to whine about, but life has been such a whirlpool of flea-feces ridden events and incidents that I could only express my feelings through long sad stories about sleep and dreams. But now that I’ve recovered somewhat, I can talk about the latest irritation plaguing my life- people telling me what they like, on Facebook. Without me asking them. About things no one will ever ask them.
So today, I’m going to make a list of things, animals, people, emotions, incidents, emoticons, fungi and miscellaneous items that I like and share it with the world. If and when I have time and even less of a life, I will go create pages for each of these so that all of you can let your friends know that you and I, best buds, both like the same things, animals, people, emotions, incidents, emoticons, fungi and miscellaneous items.
No, wait. I can understand liking these things, but not some of the things that I see being liked and I’m incapable of putting them into any of these aforementioned categories. But since I assume human intellect is capable of understanding, empathizing, liking and sharing these statements, I’m gonna list down things, of similar nature, that I really really like. I’m not even sure if I like them, but I think if I ever saw some of these, my hands will automatically click on “like” the way yours do when you see anything with “<3”.
Here they are:
– When I have a lot of work to do and yet I goof off my time by doing irrelevant things (like writing such posts) and telling everyone about it because that is the best way to let my employers know what a valuable asset I am to their organization.
– I hate it when no one likes the video I shared about a monkey throwing its excrement at a baby and a 200 year old Chinese woman.
– I feel elated when I see a cute guy with glowing skin and sexy hair-do approach me so that I can ask him about his brand of facewash, body shower gel and shampoo and then tell him what a girl he is.
– When I give you a missed call at three in the morning, it means something. It means that I’m throwing all over the place and none of my friends will take me back home and you’re the only person I know who will respond to a missed call at 3 AM.
– “Lol” “Yeaaa” “Okkk” “Hahahah” “Hmmm” convey all the expressions, emotions and opinions required in any conversation. Be it about the latest quiz you took to find out the reason behind your birth or Third World debt.
– When I message you, it means I’m thinking about you. If I’m thinking about someone else, I’ll probably be messaging them.
– You can save energy by being switching off your computer for three hours everyday. But, you can save time and energy by excluding all words from your vocabulary that involve vowels or have more than five letters.
– Why do we close our eyes when we pray? When we cry? When we dream? When we kiss? Because all beautiful things can only be felt. Vision not required at all. And yes, crying is a beautiful thing.
– Why type out things when what is on your mind, at any given time, can be conveyed through one click? It will only make your parents think they have achieved something by educating you for so many years.
– It hurts when someone you used to talk with everyday doesn’t talk to you at all. It hurts even more to know that sharing this piece of private information on a public platform has not made any change.
– Every woman deserves a man who looks at her everyday like it’s the first time he saw her. We all want to feel like Adam Sandler from 50 First Dates.
– I’m not beautiful, sexy or perfect. But I’m ME and I don’t pretend to be anyone else. Never mind the photo of Zooey Deschanel as my profile picture.
– I AM UNIQUE. The rest 3,78,999 who liked this agree with me.
– Telling someone you honestly don’t care but inside, you’re dying. Of shame.
– “I’m fine” really means “I need a hug and someone to talk to, preferably a ridiculously patient person to hear the same story for the nine hundredth time. And special treatment, of course.”
– Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. Especially when you realize it after an hour of getting your ass owned.
– Waiting around for something you know will probably never happen, but still hoping it might.. Like Vogons demolishing Earth to build a hyperspatial express route through our star system.
-Sometimes, you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life. And also because you are so lonely, insecure and spineless.
– That moment, when the universe conspires, when things go all movie-like and you just connect with the other person and know that they loathe you and hate your guts as much as you hate theirs.
– People actually love me and me liking wrongly worded profundity, but pretend otherwise because they can’t match up to the awesomeness that is me. LOL.
There, I’ve put my heart out on a platter, laid bare my soul for everyone to see.I’ve mentioned some, only some mind you, of the things I’ve not yet had a chance to express. I hope you will see them, understand them, empathize and like them. I’ve also added tiny Like-like buttons so that you get the feel for them. They aren’t real like buttons, but you know that. And you may not even like most of these banal statements. But you understand why, don’t you?
I might lose many “friends” over this post, but then I’ll gain a lot of wisdom and perspective to come up with statements that will help me win them back.